Trying to order egg rolls over the snoring

By Alicia

I know I've been gone for a while but I'm finally feeling better to the point I can do my five miles again. The crud is clearing and my energy is returning from what has turned out to be a lingering cold.

It's 5:46 am as I write this and it is cold (very cold -- 28 degrees!) and dark outside but I think I'm going to walk anyway. It's too late for me to go to the gym and to be honest, I like playing the mind game with myself that I'm burning more calories just trying to keep myself warm.

Besides, I can carry a cup of coffee with me as a walk around the block. At the gym, they frown upon anything but water passing the lips of those who exercise. If I do bring in coffee, it gets me the same dirty look as when I wear my KISS concert T-shirt to work out in. Like they've never seen Gene Simmon's tongue before?

Throughout my cold, I kept to my vegetarian ways except for yesterday, when my appetite returned with a vengence and I absolutely, positively had to have a chicken sandwhich from Burger King. I have no idea what that craving meant, but I indulged (wiped the mayo off with a napkin, didn't have any fries) and I have to say I felt pretty content afterwards. I mentally gave thanks to the chicken who gave its life for me so I could satisfy a protein craving which no soy product was going to fulfill.

Because I've been eating lighter meals at dinner time, I've been waking up hungry as soon as my eyes pop open. I've even been dreaming about food -- which brings me to this dream I simply must tell you about.

Yesterday morning, I dreamt I was in Singapore. (I've never been there, but the signs were all conveniently spelled out in English, so I knew where I was in my dreamscape.) I was sitting with some very nice strangers at a table that had all sorts of Asian delicacies, steaming and golden and all noodle-ly, spread out in a buffet style. 

Problem was, most of it looked like it had octopus tentacles sticking out of it or a squid eyeball peeking up from underneath or some sort of fish / crustacean connection that prompted either waves of nausea or disappointment every time I looked at it.

I was really hungry and wanted to eat, but wouldn't go near those buffet items with a 10-foot chopstick.  In desperation, I kept looking around and finally spied a half-eaten egg roll on someone else's plate. I was estatic! I asked the gentleman if he had ordered it at the cash register. Smiling, he nodded yes. 

I ran up to the register and started telling the gentleman standing behind it that I would like to order three egg rolls, please. However, every time I opened my mouth, a noise similiar to a student driver grinding stickshift gears would start up and subsequently drown out my words.

I attempted several times to place my eggroll order, but couldn't get any further than "I'd like three..." before the hideous grinding screeched everything else out of earshot. The man behind the register, apparently deaf to this metallic auditory assault, soon became impatient. He folded his arms across his white apron and asked, "Would you just please order?"

I opened my mouth again thinking if I spoke really fast, I could get my order out before the mysterious metal gnashing began. No such luck.

The man behind the register gave up. He threw his hands up in the air, gave an exasperated look, shoved his white paper hat firmly down on his head, and walked away.

I got so mad that I went behind the register to look for the machinery person who was keeping me from ordering my egg rolls. That's when I woke up and realized that the sound was not just in my dream.

It was coming from right next to me. My husband had snored me out of my egg rolls.

I'm seriously thinking about ordering Chinese for tonight's dinner and putting my own fortune into his fortune cookie.

Something along the lines of “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”

Comments

[Bob Cuddy]

My snoring was a problem for the spouse. My wife would often wake me to stop snoring. We found an unexpected solution that has stopped my snoring: The SquidFace and ComfyRest pillows. The snoring relief was an unexpected benefit of an invention I patented for being able to lie facedown comfortably and breathe without turning my head to the side. Snoring relief and many additional pain relief benefits are on my website. www.SquidFace.com